*I*

Hello, my name is Daniel --------, and I have had a wild ride in my 30 years on this Earth! My story is long and crazy- too long to go into detail right now. In fact, I have several books planned about the lessons I've learned and experiences I've had- but I've been in a 2 year writer's block, so I'll need to pick it back up now. (I've been told ever since 'Friends' started that I look like Chandler. I really DID, back then.... 10 {20} pounds ago)

*(disclaimer)- this piece, and my story worded in this way- will appear to make me look borderline insane and entirely unstable. This could not be farther from the truth! I'm great now, just waiting for the 'shine' to stop.

So, this is my tongue-in-cheek introduction. The details are all true, I just had some fun with the descriptions of myself and the wording......................

*  I  *

 

-I am who I am, not a thing I’m a Soul;        

-I’m no work in progress- I amthe damn goal!;              

-I’m held hostage by Hope and forge forward with Faith;          

-I exude a Calm Supremacy of Spirit over Circumstance;          

-I’m as sharp as a switchblade, as deep as a high-rise, and as genuine as a   rattlesnake;        

-I’ve been overwhelmed with the shame of something that I didn’t do, and that couldn’t be any different;              

-I’ve been sharpened by this shame while sheltered in the shadow of the Hand;                 

-Now I sense that I’m told that it’s time to Return;           

-I’ve been to the Depths of Hell, and I wasn’t impressed;          

-I’ve seen many things probably better left unspoken; so I’ll write them!:

 

 

-I’ve eaten bull’s balls in Boulder;      

-I’ve skydived South Haven;         

-I once branded myself with a burning cigarette lighter- just to say I did;                

 -I once ordered, and received, a Coors Light from a fine wine bar- at age 19;      

-I serve as a scapegoat for the naïve public by brandishing the bull’s-eye for ALL car crashes- keeping the innocent folk safe!;    

-I’ve been framed for 2 Minor in Possession of Alcohol offenses;         

-I’ve labored outdoors, everyday for 2 Michigan winters, and never wore gloves;        

-I’ve walked 4-inch wide I-beams, hours each day, wearing 6-inch wide Mickey Mouse boots;             

-I once hand-fed Crunch-n-Munch to an intoxicated wild bear!

         

 

-I’ve been thrown, headfirst, through a shatter-proof windshield, gashed open from forehead to crown, while suffering massive brain trauma.          

-I was the starof the frantic ensuing Aero-Med mission.  

-I was forced to RE-learn to walk, talk, and even reason;   

-I’ve proven all the doomsday naysayers wrong;       

-I’ve planned out the precise murder of a woman who was hobbled in an incident that I caused;

-I’ve sobbed uncontrollably, relating each verse of the Monster Ballads Album to my own life;             

-I’ve tongue-kissed the barrel of a loaded .40 Caliber Glock with an anchor attached to my ankle;            

-I’ve nearly been ripped limb from limb by the battle between Good and Evil waging war for my soul;             

-I once met Satan in a Psych Ward……(it was scary);     

-I’ve experienced total depravity;         

-I was rescued by the Grace of God; presumably to make a difference in His world.         

 

-I’ve spit in the eye of Death- shouting “cut me, I’ll bleed/ but I can’t be broken!”;      

-I once went 3 sleepless weeks when every time I closed my eyes, evil hooves hovered over my head;          

-I became brain-dead, every evening, for years on end;              

-I’ve surfed Santa Barbara, and I’ve solicited for strippers in Vegas;             

-I once dated a ‘Dancer’ from Grandville, and just walked away;                

-I really have worn the weight of the whole world on my shoulders;     

-I’m a refugee from the tyranny of my own mind;             

-I’ve been given the daunting task of rebuilding my life with worn out tools;         -I’ve needed to create- all over again- an optimistic self-identity, immediately after being stripped of Everything;  

-I have struggled with God all through the night- and though I clearly haven’t won, I think we’ve finally reached an understanding……….

Meaning, that I now know its all necessary:                                                   *Everything that’s been, Made me everything I AM.                          

 

 

-I don’t know how to put this….but I’m kind of a Big Deal!;            

-I possess great Hope and Faith, but not much else- and it’s sufficient…… for now;          

-I believe that if God doesn’t have Big plans for me, that I can convince Him to change His mind;               

-I’ve learned why they say, “be careful what you wish for”…..and I may have asked for too much!            Now my weakness just may be my strength, but I’m tired of proving that I CAN!    

-I’ve been losing but haven’t lost- God wants what I want, so I’ll inevitably Win!;      

-I believe that we limit the power of Faith when we decide for ourselves what is “possible” or even “realistic”;            

-As for me I’ll Aim For Stars!  

-I’ve already proven everyone else wrong…….

Now I just need to prove myself right!     

 

 

“According to your faith, be it unto you!” -Matthew 9:29